Meandering Thoughts on Book Series

Is there any better way to spend a lazy morning? I sure as heck can't think of one.

The Ultimate Morning

Ryan is currently reading his way through the Harry Potter series, and it stirs up so many memories. I remember waiting for the midnight book releases, wand in hand (courtesy of my dear friend Cassie). I remember the enthusiasm for a book that truly did reach folks of all ages. I remember getting Order of the Phoenix the night before my brother's wedding, opening randomly to Harry and Cho's kiss and having my mind all aflutter until I could figure out the progression that got them there.

Of course, being in college, I was arguably too old to be reading these. But then again, everyone in the world was reading them so I hardly feel self conscious.

Being presently on the second book on the Fifty Shades of Grey series (which I have been somewhat reading for the last year, typically reserved for long baths), I can hardly say I have found a new series that captures my interest quite the same way. I poured through Hunger Games, Twilight and the Sookie Stackhouse series at a pretty steady clip, but they miss the humor, the world building and the intellectualism of Harry Potter. Even the quiet intellectualism that comes out in the names and the literary allusions.

And, let's be real, a lot of them just aren't up to the general quality bar.

Enter Game of Thrones. My geeky new obsession, albeit acknowledged that the first book came out in 1996. I am struggling to keep up with the books in tandem with the series, but am now on Book 3, A Storm of Swords. Holy cow are these books good. Some of the best-written female characters in literary history, as far as I am concerned (excepting Jane Austen). The ability to read a book in which you have genuinely NO idea where the characters' storylines are heading is exhilarating. There are so many opportunities for self-identification and reflection, it is like a breath of fresh air and a stein of heavy stout all in one.

I may have also gotten a little obsessed with both the books and the show over the last few months, resulting in me getting this for the husband for Christmas:

Yes, our sigil is a Golden Retriever.

I am sure I will have many Game of Thrones posts to follow. I own A Feast of Ice and Fire: The Official Game of Thrones Companion Cookbook, so food adventures are inevitable.

Does anyone else have any series they are obsessed with? Medieval recipes?

Bridget Jones Perfectly Summarizes Weight Loss

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I have had many conversations with my co-conspirators (read: women) about our body image, which usually falls under one category:

1. One of us ate super healthy item / did not eat super unhealthy item - PRAISE US!

2. One of us will outline a day of overeating / specific item chow down (looking at you, bread), and the other will reassure the binger that it is not only perfectly normal, but damn well deserved. Alternative: the supporter will tell the binger that it in fact did NOT count for some perfectly good series of reasons.

3. We will together plot a never-before-thought-of AMAZING plan for how we will trick ourselves into losing weight via strategies that feel very gratifying to plan, but much less gratifying to enact (read: not drinking on weeknights, eating only one carb-heavy side a day, planning out a meal plan for the month a la Real Simple magazine).

4. Usually after a glass of wine, one of us will throw out the following: "You know, I don't look that bad, anyway! Plus, when I was 21 I thought I was enormous and look how good I think I looked now by comparison - I look SPECTACULAR to my 40-year-old self right now, so there you have it. ::insert grated cheese into mouth::"

I keep thinking back to Jim Gaffigan's sagely take on working out in his Mr. Universe special:

"And I'm one of those people whenever I do work out, I immediately have grand plans. 'I'm gonna work out every day.' Then the next day I'm like, 'Well, not EVERY day. I gotta let my muscles breathe a little. I'll work out every OTHER day.' Then the next day I'm like, 'Eh, I'm happy with the way I look.'"

5. We will decide to just stop trying altogether. Really, we put way too much time into this. We will be spectacular women no matter WHAT size we are, dammit! Take THAT Photoshopping fashion industry! Plus, when we get pregnant someday, it will undo all of our work anyway.

How I feel after an average weekend - Image Courtesy: http://moniquill.tumblr.com/ 

So when I picked up the audiobook for Helen Fielding's new Bridget Jones installment, Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy, and got to the following section, I practically had to pull my car over from laughing. It is the best summary of the over-the-top, weight-centric-without-actually-feeling-awful-all-the-time woman.

"Am never going to gym again. Am never going to lose the weight, never and don't bloody well care. Was consumed with rage whilst lying on front with bum in air failing to lift weight bar with ankles. Looked round to see everyoen contorted ludicrously in machines like Hieronymous Bosch painting. 

Why are bodies so difficult to manage? Why? 'Oh, oh, look at me, I'm a body, I'm going to splurge fat unless you, like, STARVE yourself and go to undignified TORTURE CENTRES and don't eat anything nice or get drunk.' Hate diet. Is all fault of SOCIETY. Am just going to be old and fat and eat whatever I like and NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN and WHEEL MY FAT AROUND ON A TROLLEY."

The unsurpassable Bridget Jones (read: Helen Fielding), everyone.

FOOTNOTE:

I do truly believe that all women of all sizes are beautiful, etc. etc. etc. Whether or not I apply this to myself is almost directly correlated to my level of bloat.

Kate Spade's Occasions - The Best Parts

I love me some Kate Spade. I love my Kate Spade red purse. I love the streamlined, classic a-line dresses I get on sale at the outlet. I love love LOVE my collection of Kate Spade oversized gemstone stud earrings. 

So when I was browsing entertaining books at the library and noticed she had authored a pretty little red book called simply Occasions, I happily checked out and tore in. 

Is it cute and fun? Of course! Is it charming? Absolutely. Is it escapist? Damn straight, it is. This "How To" entertaining guide is also an superb example of what I call "lifestyle porn." Think any house from a Nancy Meyers movie. 

Like most entertaining books, this is written for the nervous host or hostess, just beginning to entertain. There are tips and tricks for menus, creative party themes and hostess gift recommendations. Where the lifestyle porn seeps in is with the "everyday" tips for people who own sprawling houses and can afford to hire caterers. My husband, upon me reading some of my favorite parts aloud, harkened back to an episode of the hilariously British BBC series "Black Books." In this, a constantly drunk, acrimonious book store owner describes the hosts of a previous dinner party to his friend.

"Gerald's a food writer. He had a big hit with that thing, you know, "Basic Meals For the Ultra Rich"." - Bernard Black, Black Books

That is what Kate Spade's "Occasions" is reminiscent of. "Basic Meals For the Ultra Rich." And let me tell you, it is a pretty darn fun time. It can even help you entertain, if your friends take turns reading random tips from its pages (as we did one night). So, to make it easier for you (and for my own record-keeping), here are the most comedically lush upper-crust party 'tips!'

Highlights

"FOR THE GUEST ROOM: ...American quilts, deeply colored (and that includes pink)."

 Do Marshalls and TJ Maxx count as "American?"

"MIDNIGHT BREAKFAST FOR TWO: "You've been dancing, it's late, and you're famished. What better time to make something quick, but with a dash of elegance, such as a plate of softly scrambled eggs with salmon caviar."

Finally, a casual use for all that caviar I have hanging around!  

"OUTDOOR DINING MEANS: ...Throwing open the French doors and moving the inside outside."  

In my mind they open into the gardens of Pemberley.

"HOSTESS GIFTS I LIKE TO GIVE... (highlights)
-A case of wine ("I don't know anyone who doesn't like this.")
-A season's worth of tennis or golf balls
-A wooden bowl with ripe peaches, tied with a pale green ribbon"

These highlights are probably my favorite advice. In my group, my friends are courteous and generous, and always come with a nice bottle of wine, champagne, cheese, etc. Can you imagine if someone brings a CASE of wine? I rarely have a case of wine around the house at any given point! 

The inclusion of a "season's worth of tennis or golf balls" is compelling for two reasons. a) The implication of the reader alternatingly golfing and playing tennis by season is deliciously upper-crust. b) The continued implication that this has been done so often that a season yields a specific, quantitative amount is spectacular. 

...Admittedly, I kind of would like to try out the wooden peach bowl. You have me there, Kate!  

"APRÈS SKI COCKTAILS"

This header alone...  

"And I stay away from canned beer. It makes me think of the Indy 500 or something. All that metal!"  

Fair enough, I can't see Kate downing a Miller Lite.

"Whenever I'm having a party, I explain to a caterer that I think the food should be filling, but also easy to eat and beautifully presented."

I daydream of having a caterer for some of my parties, don't you?

"PETER [THE CATERER'S] SPECIALTIES... Caviar 'ice cream' cones - potato cones filled with crème fraîche and topped with sturgeon caviar."

My God that sounds opulently amazing. Like an h'ors dourve at a very upscale ballroom wedding.

"Instead of using the standard red-and-white checked gingham, use tiny black-and-white [gingham] for your tablecloth and bright red cotton napkins as an accent."

So much gingham!

"WEEKEND PARTIES"

Again, the header alone. I would love to have a weekend party! Does drinking late into Saturday evening and having a friend spend the night on your couch count as a weekend party?

"GUEST ROOMS... [Buy a] terrycloth robe and slippers. Embroider 'Guest' on the robe and have several pairs of slippers embroidered with 'Guest' on one foot and 'Sleepy,' 'Best,' and 'Hungry' on the other."

This. Just this. 

Final Thoughts

So, in conclusion, if you want to grab a glass of wine and curl up with this little peek into lifestyles of the rich and famous, by all means do! Slip on your embroidered robe and grab the sturgeon caviar, my friends. One last pet-friendly note: it is worth noting our Kate Spade also loves having her dog, Henry, at her cocktail parties. And that is pretty darn cool.